Shalom Hebrews, Israelites, and believing women alike!
This weeks segment on Israelite Marriage is all about nurturing your husband’s masculinity. We’re going to be covering:
- Why nurturing his masculinity is a top priority
- What your husband isn’t telling you about his manhood
- What behaviors detract from his masculinity
- The three easiest ways to honor his masculinity
And a special bonus bingo card at the end 😉
As a wife, you must understand you have the capacity to make or break your husband, whether you believe it or not. At any given point, you are either building or destroying him as a man of YAHUAH.
His masculinity in short is his inner wiring that gives him the natural desire to provide for you, protect you, see to your needs, stand tall on his convictions, and the confidence to carry out the tasks that he’s been given by The Most High.
Nurturing this in him is a top priority because
- No one is as close to him as you are, so no one can impact him the way you are designed to
- Without your utmost honor, he will lack confidence and dignity. If a man can’t get respect at home, where can he get it?
- You are called to be a helpmeet. Even when the finances, children, in-laws, and sometimes love may change, your honor should remain the same according to what Yah has ordained for all believing women following in the way of our righteous foremothers
Here’s a little diagram to make things simple:
So, what isn’t your husband telling you about his manhood?
Quite a few things, but let’s focus on the core aspect!
You know that abandoned feeling you experience when it seems like your husband is ignoring or avoiding you? When he spends more time with his friends, playing the game, or tinkering in the garage, when you would prefer dinner together or a romantic night in?
He experiences a similar feeling when you control him, neglect his sexual needs, or choose your own way instead of his desired path.
Your husband sacrifices a lot in order to cover you and be a strong man believe it or not. Most men who TRULY love their wives are willing to give away the shirt off their backs to please and protect her. But his masculinity should not and cannot be something he has to sacrifice in order to please you.
Men desire to feel sovereign, honored, respected, independent, and needed. After all, Yah has given them dominion over all things, including women.
There are very subtle things you may be doing that communicate to him you reject his manhood. Have you taken the time to consider some toxic behaviors that could be contrary to his inner wiring as a man?
This list could be longer… a LOT longer. As women, we may sometimes be negligent of the small things we do that show we’ve forsaken our duty to obey, abide, and respect him.
From not taking care of your physical appearance and health, to refusing intimacy when he desires to be close to you, the list of manhood detractors is full of subtle yet harmful mannerisms that cause more damage than women have been led to believe.
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I will be honest… when I was writing out this list, I found myself guilty of more than one of these… well, guilty of most of them, actually. Especially raising my voice in my anger, not forgiving him for certain past hurts, and eye rolling. But YAHUAH is Merciful to forgive us our sins, and I’ve since been on a journey to turn away from all actions that don’t honor my husband or fulfill my obligations as his helpmeet.
If you are an offender in any of these, like me, then the bad news is that you’ve neglected your husband’s need to have innate authority in his own home, as a man should.
The Good News is that you are redeemable, forgivable, and you serve a Mighty YAH EL who can transform your heart in ways you never imagined possible.
So where can you start?
1. Always respond to his sexual cues
Refusing sex is a trespass against your husband’s heart, not his erection. You may not understand this, but the same way you need to be woo’d and romanced in order to feel loved, he needs to be intimate and physical in order to feel loved. Not only that, but he wants to feel like you actually DESIRE him in the bedroom, and that you’re not just doing it to make him happy and ‘get it over with’.
We often don’t understand how neglecting the bedroom can push our husbands away. I’m from the south, and we southern women believe that if your husband leaves the house hungry or horny (excuse my french), then something just ain’t right (more or less lol)!
When you treat his sexual needs with urgency, you will be surprised how quickly he rushes home after work, how much he will begin to nurture his personal hygiene, and the type of effort he will begin putting forth to make sure you’re more than satisfied in the bedroom.
Even when all else fails in his life, your husband wants to be certain that he can at least perform well in this one area, and it is on you to be responsive, considerate, discreet, and ready when he is requesting intimacy with the love of his life.
Please note that unless you are unclean or you are fasting, then withholding sex is not a suitable form of ‘punishing’ or turning away from your husband. It communicates the same message as if he were to say “I’m not taking you out, buying you gifts, or spending quality time with you anymore”. Imagine how much that would hurt!
Have you read the previous Israelite Marriage series?
2. Decide that you will obey even if you may disagree
This is a tough one, because when you met your husband, you were two different people, even if you had similarities. No two people are exactly alike. But Yah says a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. He even calls this a great mystery (Ephesians 5:32).
In this becoming one flesh, women are called to be the ones who humble themselves. The ones who back down. The ones who submit and say, “Okay, your way.” (Men submit too, but to The Most High through HaMashayach Yahusha).
Your job is helpmeet. Say it with me: Help. Meet.
Co-pilot. Sidekick. Assistant.
Not boss, leader, or superior.
If you’ve ever been a corporate assistant, or ever worked in any job where you have a boss, you already know what it’s like to see a clear problem and the best path to fixing it. Your boss may ask you for your input, but that doesn’t mean he has to follow what you say. Moreover, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t value your input. It simply means he has weighed the options, and that he’s exercising his right as a sovereign man to make his own decisions.
If your husband asks for your help, but chooses his own way yet fails at something, he could be more inclined to seek your help the next time.
Similarly, if he asks for your help and succeeds with your advice, then he could be even more likely to seek your help again the next time.
It’s a win-win no matter what.
If you set it in your heart that you will abide and obey no matter what, you can forego many pointless arguments, disputes, and bitterness about his decision making.
Hey, he’s not perfect. But you are REQUIRED to let him cultivate his own manhood. He’s a man, not your baby. Believe in him.
3. Prioritize his peace, joy, and satisfaction over EVERYTHING
Before you mindlessly swipe his credit card because the kids need new shoes, before you pick up the phone to talk to a girlfriend while he’s taking a nap, before you decide on dinner without asking him what he has a taste for.
Nothing should come before your husband except YAHUAH. Not your children, not your church, not your parents. Nothing and no one should be as much of a priority as pleasing him, and it should show in the ways you make time for him and even in the way you invest in your own softness and beauty.
Your husband makes you number one when he works those long hours, when he sacrifices his quiet time to hear your grievances about family drama, when he pays the bills. How are you showing him that he’s number one to you?
Don’t forget to check out last week’s #TorahTuesday Meditation, What is “A Man’s Garment?” from Deuteronomy 22
Do you bombard him with complaints as soon as he walks through the door? Do you never have dinner ready on time? Do you insist on inviting that one girlfriend that he doesn’t want at the house because she’s too loud?
Or do you seek to provide peace first? Are you mindful of his needs? Do you care about whether he approves of your company or not?
Is keeping him satisfied a priority to you?
Is your husband allowed to have peace in his home, the place that’s supposed to be his escape from the world?
I charge you, sister, to take the next few weeks to cleanse any behaviors that starve your husband’s masculine energy, and pray to Abba for the best direction. Understand that feeding your husband’s masculine energy is like adding fuel to the fire he has growing inside that only burns to keep you warm!
BONUS: You may even take on this challenge, The Nurturing His Masculinity Bingo Card! It’s fun (though I’m sure your husband will be the one having all the fun), sensual, and can help you to cultivate a more considerate, intentional heart towards your Head!
Helpful Hint: Aim for a blackout (to cover all spaces) <3
I’d love to hear how your husband responds after just one week of you feeding his masculinity! Feel free to reach out here, or directly on Instagram, and let’s chat! Happy Wifedom, Sisters! Shalom
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