Do you ever get frustrated that people don’t help you, but even more frustrated when they do?

You told your family you’d appreciate more help in the kitchen after dinner. But now you don’t know where your favorite mug is, there’s something wrong with the dishwasher, and someone put the whole pot in the fridge instead of putting the food in Tupperware first!

Ugh! 🙃

mother and daughter preparing avocado toast
Photo by August de Richelieu on

I know how that feels. You ask for help, thinking you want the simplest task performed for you just for once. And yet, even though it gets done, it’s not good enough.

This is one of those little talked about windows of vulnerability. Accepting help the way it comes, without micromanaging, without critiquing it. I’d consider it a superpower.

Especially when you’re watching someone try to help you, and they are doing. it. all. wrong!

I’m not saying accepting the bare minimum is a noble feat by any means. But what’s worse: imperfect help, or no help at all?

And I know what you’re thinking, sis:

“If my family really loves me, they will take the time to learn how to help me the way I need it, not just the way they deem fit.”

Sure, two things can be true at the same time. It’s true that our families are capable of doing better when we ask for help, and they should do their best. But it’s also true that the “just get out of my way, I’ll do it myself” mentality is killing us and dare I say hindering relationships.

It puts us in a masculine posture, it discourages our loved ones from wanting to help, and in the end we end up doing the hard work anyway– but this time with a chip on our shoulder.

Whether it’s the laundry, the dishes, or something greater like taking care of a sick family member, we simply cannot bare all the burden on our own, nor are we called to. That’s why we’ve got to learn to accept the help that’s available to us, and put away this strong and independent mentality.

Asking for help and letting go of our expectations when the help comes, feels uncomfortable, because it makes us… vulnerable.

Vulnerable to imperfection. Vulnerable to things maybe even being worse off than they would be had we just did it ourselves. Vulnerable to others resenting us for needing them.

But this vulnerability also means:

  • Giving others the chance to serve. The Word says “Greatest among you is your servant.” Trust other people to feel good about doing a good deed, even if it’s laborious at first.
  • Giving others a glimpse into our work, which may result in more compassion and empathy from them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve helped someone do something that I normally don’t do, such as cut grass or manage many children at once (alone). And I think, “Wow, this person really has their work cut out for them when no one else is around!” You may not think that’s worth anything, but it’s humbling and certainly compels people to have more compassion. We need more compassion in this world.
  • Giving ourselves a breather, even if just for a second, in the tiniest way. We need a little break from time to time, and that’s okay. To have someone do dishes so you can finally tackle the laundry monster that’s growing and growing, is a big deal. Even when the help isn’t perfect, having one less thing to worry about is worth it’s weight in gold. And we deserve to feel appreciation and gratitude for those who lend us a hand. We owe it to our bodies and spirits to experience this unique kind of gratitude.

Accepting help without critiquing is one of the 3 ways to be more vulnerable as aspiring Biblical women. I talk more in depth about this virtue of vulnerability, as well as two other virtues that help us in achieving deeper bonds, stay in tune with our femininity, and glorify Yah in softness and grace.

You can watch this special season finale episode of the Watered Womanhood podcast via Patreon, or listen for free on all platforms 🙂

What are your thoughts?

Raabasha Alohalani

I’m a little Israelite woman with a little faith in a big Master. Through cultivating a relationship with The Most High Redeemer of Israel, I’ve overcome suicidal tendencies, body dysmorphia, porn addiction, depression, and the darkness of envy! As a wife and a mommy, it is my earnest desire to share love and open a space for Hebrew, Israelite, and believing women alike who want to help build this City on A Hill. Let's discover His New Mercies each day, and take baby steps towards Shemayim!????