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I just turned 25 December 14th. At 25 I am having my second child, over 600 miles from my hometown. I got married at 21. I became a mother at 17. I repented of a worldly way of life at 19. I defended myself in court with no lawyer at 22ā and won. I have been through hellfire, and Iām still here. I have learned a lot. I am unrecognizable some days, even to myself, in a good way. I give glory to Abba Yahuah.
Todayās article is more so a personal reflection. Think a diary entry that Iāve decided to make public. I thought it very important to sit and think about what 25 years has looked like for me, and what gems Iāve picked up along this tumultuous journey of life. And Iām grateful to be able to share them.
These are 25 lessons that Iāve learned from 25 years!
Yahuah is in control
There have been times where I didnāt know what I would eat, where I would lay my head, if I would have clean clothes to wearā¦ and Yahuah showed me He was my keeper, He had all control. There were times where I planned evil, and Yahuah made goodness prevail. There were times where others wanted evil for me, and He got the glory through His goodness then, too.
This is probably the most important lesson of them all for me. I had plans for my life: to be a stripper, or go to dental school, become a beekeeper, start a nonprofit private schoolā¦ some of these were bad, some were okay, and none of them were meant for me. I thank Yahuah that He was in control, because who knows what I would be if I had my own way?
Relinquishing control feels really good. And whether I see it in the moment or not, it always ends up being the best thing for me. He is in control.
Itās okay to be slim/skinny/lean
I have been through a lot of bodily changes and body dysmorphia. From puberty, to childbearing, to the changes of birth control. Iāve looked in the mirror some days horrified, other days enraptured. Through the years, however, my main struggle in this has been accepting that Iām not a naturally curvy woman.
Iād always wanted to be. As an Israelite, that was what I was told was the epitome of beauty. To have a full figure, a pear shape, a round bottom and wide hips. Iām sure it isnāt hard to imagine how devastating it is for a young girl to realize that she will never live up to such a standard, without surgery.
But Iāve learned to embrace my body type, and recognize my strengths. Iām naturally more athletic, itās easy for me to maintain my weight. I can keep up with my kids and everyone elses. My metabolism is pretty strong. Iāve literally bore children in this body and that is a miracle. Not only is it okay for me to be lean, it is beautiful. Iāve certainly evolved to love myself with the help of modesty. Funnily enough, when even I canāt see my body all day every day, I find it more difficult to constantly ridicule myself or compare to other bodies.
Never run from your purpose
Oh the plans I had for me! The denial I experienced when told I would be a mother, a wife, a homeowner, a teacher, a vessel of Yahuahās glory. I did not accept His will for a long time as a teenager and a teen mother, and I paid the price.
I justified it by convincing myself that His will would lead me into bondage. That I would end up in roles that were fundamentally not pleasurable to me, the opposite of my own desires.
But when I finally began to submit, I felt more pleasure than I ever have with any of my own pursuits, and thatās real. For the longest, I just didnāt want to accept marriage, motherhood and homemaking as my purposeā¦ I was afraid to be a stereotype, afraid to be deemed useless, as though that would be wasting my life. And now that Iām here, fully living in it, all I can say is that I wish Iād went this direction sooner!
When God is calling you, answer! His will is good, pleasing and perfect according to Romans 12:1-2
Forgiveness means surrender
Forgiveness doesnāt mean Iām not hurt or angry. Forgiveness doesnāt mean that I forget about the betrayal, lies, and attacks. Forgiveness means I surrender to Yahuahās will and continue in holiness.
Iāve beat myself up for a long time for trying to forgive others yet still finding myself bitter or angry towards them. Like, Iām trying to forgive, I said I forgive, so why wonāt these feelings go away? Why do I still feel bound?
Iāve come to accept that forgiving others doesnāt negate my feelings. And often times, the choice to forgive is more so about going on a journey through Yahuahās heart by accepting my own pain. Inviting Him into that pain, and watching Him turn a desert place into an immaculate garden.
Food is life
One of the most important lessons Iāve learned is being mindful of what I eat. Each of our cells gets its energy, composition, and ability to communicate with the brain and perform itās function fromā¦ our food. Everything we are, all of us, is comprised of what we eat.
From my ability to think clearly, the quality of sleep I get, how easy it is for me to go up stairs, the quality of my sex life, the ease with which I can give birth, and even my connection to Yahuah, is all deeply affected by my food choices.
And in the last few years has Yahuah shown me how greatly food impacts hormones. And that hormones are responsible for managing every function in the body. Hormones are literally the mediator between the brain and body. Yes, our brains tell our bodies what to do. But when they want to get this message out, hormones are like their speaker system, their phonebook. When hormones are out of wack, we canāt ever feel right. And the best way to get hormones on track is to eat balanced, whole and real.
Prayer changes things
One prayer can change your whole life. I remember at about 15 years old, I could only cry myself to sleep one night. I was trying to envision my life, my future, but I had no hope. I just wept and wept. I remembered my school director (something like a pastor to me then) guiding the class to the verse āWeeping endures a night but joy comes in the morningā. I asked Yahuah to prove it. I could hear him telling me this weeping will be over in the morning. I didnāt believe it and fell asleep, wishing the pain would go away.
But when I woke up, it was like I was high, floating on a cloud, and that every cell in my body had been elevated. I was amazed, and started thinking to myselfā¦ Okay, maybe this is real, maybe there really is a God who cares about me.
Iāve learned to pray without ceasing, too. It is the answer for everything.
Yahuah keeps His Word
Heās never made me a promise He hasnāt kept. Ever. Even when I broke mine. How faithful is our God! I prayed for him to heal me of an STD once, and I promised that if he did, I would turn away from promiscuity for good! Chile, not even 7 whole days after He completely healed me, I was back to doing me. And He still hasnāt let me go.
He told me I would be a wife, I didnāt believe it. That I would be wealthy, I didnāt believe it. That I would have baby #2, I didnāt believe it. He told me I would reach many of His daughters from all nations and all corners of the world, and I didnāt believe it. But my life is the fruit, the proof. Iāve learned that if He says something will come to pass, then it will come to pass. And that all Iāve got to do in times of confusion and darkness is remember His Word.
Many harmless pleasures are fruitless
Iām a good writer. At least I like to think so. Outside of writing on this blog, sometimes I do ghostwriting, sometimes I write fiction. Iāve been paid quite well over the years, to do something that I could do in my sleep. But Yahuah has shown me that He didnāt give me this gift to make money, He gave it to me to give Him glory.
Is it evil to write fiction? Evil to earn money writing for other people who will pass it off as their own writing? I canāt say, though I donāt think so. But that doesnāt mean I wasnāt wasting my time. It doesnāt mean thatās what He wanted for me. It doesnāt mean it produced the kind of fruit that lasts for eternity.
Such is the case for any other āharmlessā pleasure or pursuit. Iāve come to accept that just because it doesnāt result in sin, doesnāt mean itās purposeful to Yahuah. Iām learning to choose how I spend my time more wisely.
People will be jealous
Family, friends, strangers. People who are doing better than me, people who are struggling more than me. Humans struggle with envy. Even I do. Envy was the reason for the first murder (Cain and Abel). Iāve attempted to mitigate this envy, jeaousy, and covetousness by proving that Iām lowly, that Iāve struggled, that all I have comes from Yahuah not from me. And still, people hate.
They wonder why itās me and not them, no matter how many times I explain itās really GOD. They stab me in the back, lie on me, steal from me, try to destroy what Yahuah has built. Try to tear down my confidence in my beauty, in my journey, in my marriage, in my bloggingā¦ I accept that this is a part of life. And I accept that thereās nothing I can do but keep shining Yahuahās light.
Never compare yourself or life
This is probably the lesson Iāve learned through the most painful process. It has taken me years, and only recently have I begun to accept that comparison is like a little spark that if not contained, can burn down an entire forest!
All it takes is one glance sometimes at another womanās maternity photos, her home, or her familyā¦ then boom. āWhat about me God?ā āWhy donāt I have that?ā Or worseā¦ āIām going to get that, tooā and then deciding to do whatever it takes, even at the expense of what I already have.
My life is precious, and I have many treasures already. I donāt need to compare, and if it happens, Iām learning to rebuke it without delay. My journey is my own, and just as I believe no one can walk a mile in my shoes, I wouldnāt want to walk a mile in anyone elses.
Sometimes multitasking is counterproductive
I can testify that multitasking can be quite fruitful. Especially in homemaking. But there are some tasks and times which require our total focus. Like when weāre spending time with family, cooking a multi course meal, listening intently to a friend in need, or engaging in self care. Iām learning that itās okay to slow down, do one thing at a time, and be fully present while doing so. Sometimes this is the best way.
Do things in order
We donāt put on our shoes before our socks. So why do I think I can enjoy fruit before even watering the seed? All things have their time and season. Iām learning to appreciate order and embrace Yahuahās timing.
I prayed to conceive baby #2, and got right down to the nitty gritty LOL wondering why it wasnāt working. Yahuah showed me that I was skipping all the other stuff, like cleansing my heart, changing my diet, taking better care of my body through exercise, and examining my budget and spending. Iāve learned not to be in such a rush. Because now Iām having baby #2 soon, and I wish Iād saw how He was preparing me. I would have paused sooner.
Yahuah is the final authority
He gets the final say. Sometimes this feels good, sometimes it doesnāt. But it always works out for my good.
Be willing to wait on Yah
Iām so willing to wait. Yahuah told me I would be a wife. I met my husband online in 2018, and after a month, I knew he was going to be my husband. But I didnāt realize Iād have to wait. We remained long distance for years. We had a virtual ceremony in 2020 to officially become husband and wife, and I still had not yet met him in person. I did not see my husband face to face until April 2021ā¦ and before then I had questions, I was angry, I was impatient, I was afraid I was wasting my time. But that moment, i felt Yahuah. It was like walking through the gates of heaven. All the pain had totally been worth it, and I would do it all over again.
Now when Iām in a waiting season, I just remember how I felt when I met my husband, how grateful I was to have waited. Iām not in a rush to obtain any of Yahuahās promises because I know that sometimes the hardest task He gives me in this life, is to simply wait. And I donāt know about you, but that is not too burdensome for me.
Journaling is a vital tool
I have to journal. If I donāt I might go crazy. I might say something I regret to someone I love. I might harbor my feelings and end up growing poisonous fruit. I might become overwhelmed and lash out. Or I might invert and clam up and shut down and suffer for it. Journaling has become as vital to me as bathing, and I know that if I go long periods without doing it, I start to smell.
I journal for gratitude, for remembrance, for prayer, for Bible study. I write letters to people that I will never send. I pour out my heart. I plan my days, and I ask important questions. Itās a safe space for me that sometimes doesnāt exist elsewhere, and I take advantage of it because I know how powerful a resource it is!
Have consistent quiet-time
Even more important than journaling, is spending time in The Word, fellowshipping with my Lord, surrendering my heart, opening my ears, preparing my hands for work and my mind for rest. Iāve noticed the difference in quality between the days where I spend time with Him, versus when I donāt. Itās astounding.
Iām more patient. Things go smoother. I communicate better. I pray for good things and good things happen. I receive my portion for the day. I have to have quiet-time because my life is too busy for me not to!
Never pay full price for anything
Honey, please! I never pay full price for anything except underwear!!!!! I get mostly everything second hand and Iām not ashamed. Or, I ask for discounts, use coupons, or wait until things are on sale. Furthermore, I never buy new things just because, and I definitely donāt upgrade when I donāt need to. I still have an iPhone 7, that I bought in 2020 USED, still works great!
I donāt do this just to save money, though. Often by buying used, Iām not giving my money to a greedy corporation but instead to a local business or thrift, or a family in need. And, Iām doing my part in caring for the environment, something that is very important to me as Yahuah said this is our domain and He has left it in our care.
Avoid debt at all costs
Speaking of penny pinchingā¦ Iāve watched peopleās lives fall apart due to debts that strangle their income. New cars, student loans, new phones, credit cardsā¦ Iāve been tempted by all of these, trust me. Then I look at people who take this route and Iām like, āNAH!ā Iād rather wait on Yahuah and look āpoorā while I wait because I refuse to be indebted to someone over property that is depreciating. The only asset Iām willing to acquire debt for is a house or land. Anything else seems futile, but thatās my opinion.
Avoiding debt at all costs has allowed me to sleep peacefully knowing I donāt have to dodge anyoneās phone calls, or that something is going to disrupt my credit score. Nobody is going to come repossess anything I own, and that is worth more to me than having the appearance of wealth. I just donāt think the stress is worth it, and unless Iām using credit to build credit, I minimize borrowing by simply being willing to wait on Yah, save money, invest it better, pay tithes, and make purchases when I can actually afford it.
People notice the small things in your presentation
From my dainty little earrings, to my toenail polish. The volume of my voice, the style of my hair, whether Iāve cleaned my nose. People see the tiny details. Iām not going to say it doesnāt matter. It does. Not because I want to impress people, but because I represent my husband. Because I want to set an example for my daughter. Because I want people to know that the Daughters of Zion love ourselves, we take pride in our presentation, and that we are here to stay.
A feminine presentation is an asset
In the same way, Iāve learned to take my time in crafting my presentation because I see the difference in how people treat me when I donāt. When I take the time to dress as though I belong in any room I enter, Iām treated with dignity. Men seem to have higher regard for my husband. Women feel inspired. Little Israelite princess stare, and Iām proud of that.
I make an effort to set myself apart when I walk into a room, and I donāt just mean because I wear the face veil or the niqab. Because I donāt always wear that. I set myself apart because some people just get dressed. But not everyone puts together a presentation. Iāve learned to ask myself āWhat do I want to say with my first impression when I walk into a room today?ā Iāve found it to be very powerful.
And beyond my appearance, this extends to my walk, my kindness and eagerness to help, the softness of my voice, how well I handle passive aggression, the way I am attentive to my family. Femininity is an asset that I wield like a sword, just as Judith and Esther did.
Itās okay for people to disagree with me
I used to be a people pleaser. I used to be so afraid of not being liked that I stopped sharing my opinion or being myself. I saw that when I was open and honest, people shunned me or avoided me. It has taken many years for me to find my tribe, people whose values and beliefs align with my own. Before now, I have felt isolated in ideology, and while this can sometimes be something good (because you never want everyone to agree with everything you say all the time), the Word says āCan two dwell together unless they agree?ā
I donāt have a superiority complex about my beliefs, because Iām a personal testament to the fact that beliefs can change. So it would be unwise to feel superior over something my perspective may change about. But I do feel a sense of territorial-ness about disagreements when people insist that I believe what I believe out of emotion, despite my attempts to present facts. And I like to believe I have arguments that are founded on empirical data, not hypotheticals, and yes, I do sometimes treat disagreements like debates.
Thatās where Iām learning to secede. If someone hears my point of view and then chooses to disagree instead of investigating why I have that stance, then so be it. Iāve learned that trying to prove myself is futile. The LORD will speak through me, His Word does not go out and then return to Him without first fulfilling their purpose. And He will get the final say. I accept that people have their own perception of me that doesnāt always align with the truth or how I view myself. This is a natural part of the human experience and thatās okay.
Everyone has an opinion on my motherhood
Parents, grandparents, in-laws, siblings, cousins, strangers on the internet. This is a reality. Some of it is good, some of it is unfounded, some of it is welcome but most of it isnāt. This is really just a part of parenting. Many people have desires they wish to see mothers fulfill, hoping to live vicariously through us. But rarely are the same people willing to go above and beyond to support you in the journey and trial of motherhood.
I used to argue, but now I know how to play my cards right. I just ask them why they feel that way, and how thatās working on their own kids (and it gets awkward if theyāre a childless person offering their inexperienced opinion). I embrace the awkward, because when I used to get angry and argue, it would turn into āYouāre getting angry, that means Iām right! Donāt be emotional about it!ā
Now, when I let it get awkward, people are forced to sit in silence for a few minutes reflecting on their own choices and words, instead of my reaction. What reaction? No reaction. Say your piece, speak your mind, and then we are going to move on. Why? Because unless I asked, my parenting is not a conversation. End off. And if that pisses people off, then it shows me they donāt have respect for my boundaries and are not someone I would pursue a relationship with anyway.
Yahuah is #1, family is #2
After my relationship with Yahuah, Iāve learned that nothing should come before my family. And by family, I really only mean my husband and children. Sure, in-laws, parents, siblings and everyone else is included. But at the end of the day, my interests lie in my major responsibilities, which is my direct family, first.
Iāve seen how detrimental and dangerous it is to allow outside family to speak on or influence matters of my home, and I wonāt allow it. Iām very firm about sticking to the vision my husband has given us, even when family doesnāt agree. Because itās not their life and certainly not their business at the end of the day.
My family is my greatest asset and the biggest investment I will ever make, and I take pride in being a wife and mother. I want my family to remember me as someone who was there for them, who was patient with them, and who was most of all kind to them. I canāt be that person when Iām allowing anything else to distract me.
Kids notice everything
Ev. Ve. Rey. Thing. Nothing misses their eyes or ears. This is a great responsibility for the adults around them. For the world at large. A great responsibility for me, as both a mother and someone who works with children. They are sponges, as they should be. Iāve learned to take great care with how I behave, speak, and what body language I use when interacting with children.
They can tell when youāre frustrated, disinterested, or indifferent. They can tell when youāre excited, attentive, and engaged. They know when you have favorites. They can differentiate between emotions, even if they donāt have the vocabulary to prove it. They know when something isnāt right, and they know when everything is right.
Their total awareness keeps me mindful of Yahuahās total awareness. That He sees me at all times, what I do, what I say, how I think and behave. It makes me mindful that my Father is watching and listening, and that Iāll have to come to account for what I do and say in this lifetime. He says itās better to have a stone tied around your neck and cast into the sea than to offend one of His little ones. Even the tiniest seed of sin can be planted in a childās mind if Iām not careful to seek holiness each time Iām present with one, and this is one of the most beautiful challenges of motherhood. It makes you want to be better, it forces you to be greater.
Always check your blind spots
Thereās always a plank in my eye, even if I donāt notice it. Iām not always right. I donāt always know whatās best. My way isnāt always going to prosper. I have become willing to stop, take a second, and ask Yahuah, āWhat am I not seeing? What am I overlooking? What havenāt I sought your wisdom for?ā
Because hindsight is 20/20, isnāt it? Sometimes I look back on trials and victories in life and I am utterly shocked at how blind I was to things that shouldāve been obvious, despite in the moment feeling like I knew all I needed to know to be successful.
I am not all wise or all knowing. There is always room to grow, room to learn. The human mind is much too vast for me to assume that I am unable to learn and absorb more wisdom. Checking my blind spots is not easy, and requires a lot of humility. But I never regret it and it always pays off. As Iāve grown in wisdom, Yahuah has shown me that as long as Iām willing to stand still for a second and make sure my actions align with His will, then I can find prosperity in this world and the next.
Iām looking forward to more years, more opportunities to check my blind spots, more children, more waiting, more prayer and more blessings!
