Overcoming Porn Addiction Through Submission To My Husband– and what it can teach you about Yah’s redeeming glory

Submission to the ordained authority doesn’t always mean oppression. In many cases, like mine, it means complete liberation.

I want to first begin by mentioning how taboo it is to openly discuss porn addiction. It’s treated so differently than alcohol and drugs and gambling, but one would argue that it causes much more damage– who’s effects are instantaneous yet can take a lifetime to fully subdue it’s victims and loved ones. 

It’s a real issue that often snatches up young, fresh minds and burdens them to a life of misunderstanding YHWH’s plan for sex and marriage, and never fully experiencing the unlocking power of sex when it is aligned in His will.

If you struggle or have struggled with this, you are not alone. I can name at least 7 people I know who have faced porn addiction or still do. It’s extremely common, however the support seems to be disenfranchised. Why?

Mainly, society as a whole views this addiction as ‘affecting others’. When you watch pornography, you are supporting an industry that lies, condones heinous acts, perpetuates injustice, is ran by a prominent and consistent group of selfish, evil, ingenuine, money hungry people who own everything (cough, cough), and again, the biggest losers in the game are the impressionable young minds who enter not fully knowing what is about to be slapped on their plate.

The taboo is that you are stimulating yourself at the cost of someone else’s pain and shame, and you can just put them away after you’re done while they don’t get to escape. 

I get those sentiments, though I’d have to disagree. Porn addiction is viewed as a leisurely, pain free pastime-like hobby enjoyed by the sexually decrepit, instead of something that claims thousands of lives, family relationships, and marriages each year. 

Speaking from my own experience, I can say that while the effects of porn addiction aren’t as overt as the acne you get when you do certain drugs, or the latent alcohol poison for binge drinkers, it is still direct, ugly, and in your face. 

Paired with chronic or very frequent masturbation, porn addiction is easily a gateway for other ‘soft’ addictions like shopping, working, or food addictions. These two in combination can truly disturb one’s mind and expectations of sex, and affect one’s daily energy reserve (since after all, sperms are living organisms, and it takes the average male body 64 days to completely regenerate what is considered fully mature sperm cells). 

While I’m not a man, I’ve felt the drainage masturbation may have on a person. Moreover, the shame, guilt, confusion, and utter darkness it casts over decision-making, focus, and the way one interacts with others.

I was first exposed to porn in elementary school, somewhere around second grade. It was a DVD owned by my then step-dad. The memory is blurry, and I don’t really even remembering seeing it. But I do remember my step-dad overhearing me describing to my siblings what I had saw in grotesque detail, not truly understanding that I was in essence, spreading a disease with words.

While I didn’t begin masturbating until fourth grade, I still frequently viewed pornography whenever I could. Spent every night with eyes glued to my mother’s computer screen. Even once racked up four-hundred dollars in X-rated movie purchases on her cable bill, just casually ordering raunchy films while no one was around. 

Since then, it has felt impossible to overcome the desire to feel something–ANYTHING– through others’ perceived pleasure. I never overdosed or had my stomach pumped because of it, but here’s just a few things that happened:

1. I grew to believe YHWH had made some sort of mistake in sculpting my body, which led to low self esteem and even a mild eating disorder similar to anorexia
2. I grew to have unrealistic expectations of sexual intimacy, which cultivated in me a selfish and distant lover
3. Letting the world define the meaning of sexual intimacy meant I should want and mimic what’s on screen, and if I didn’t then I was doing everything wrong
4. I isolated myself just so I could enjoy my time watching porn, and missed out on key moments/opportunities in my budding life
5. I refused to explore majority of the pain/trauma I had because I genuinely believed sex was what everyone used to cover it up/make it better–like band-aids for adults, and all I needed was that adult bandage
6. I was always irritable and frank unless I got my ‘fix’
7. I severely neglected my hygiene, often going many periods without bathing, doing laundry, brushing my teeth, or grooming my hair
8.  Things on my to-do list were often pushed down in priority for porn-time, and more than likely not done at all once I’d gotten my fix

And that’s not even skimming the surface. 

In recent years, since about early 2017, The Most High has definitely turned me around, and like any human, I’ve had my slip ups. Sometimes I’d go weeks, months with no sight of naked anything. Be feeling confident and clean. Not thinking about it at all. Resolving my inner issues like a fully developed and functional adult in society, submitting my feelings to The Messiah.

And then boom– A PORN BINGE. It sneaks up on you, really. All it takes is the wrong joke in a movie, reading mild or explicit intimacy scenes in a romance novel, or even simply just not giving your desires for pleasure to The Father. 

But one day, a few days after we’d officially tied the knot, my husband kinda threatened me.

“And you better not be watching no porn. I’m the only thing you need to see.”

Honestly, don’t quote me on that because I’m 100% positive that isn’t verbatim. But close enough.

Anyway, I’m sure you can imagine how I’d felt. Called out, guilty, ashamed, and afraid.

Afraid that my husband, who I both honor and obey and have vowed to submit to, has given me a direct order not to look at porn, even if he laughed a little while saying it. 

Afraid that I would quietly disobey him in secret and disrupt our bond even more by continuing to let the world warp my mind–as well as breaking his trust by doing what he explicitly said not to do. 

But those feelings lasted for all of a second before the Ruach Qadash (Holy Spirit) overcame me, and deep in my heart I heard myself say: 

“He’s right. I do as he says, and if there is ever any commandment he gives me in life that I should not think twice about, it’s this one. I can do this.”

You never really get the images out of your head, so it’s an everyday battle even when you no longer deliberately look at it. But each time that I had even considered taking one small innocent little peek that no will know about it, I thought, “No, Yah will know. It isn’t innocent, either. It would be unambiguous rebellion. Don’t deceive yourself.”

It took me nothing to decide that the consequences of disobedience (even secret disobedience) was just not worth it. Especially since a little leaven will leaven the whole lump (Galations 5:9), and like a good father, Yah let’s no deed go unrebuked.

That meant I would be hiding what I was doing which is in and of itself something already taboo and outright unruly for a Israelite woman and wife. Then, if questioned, I’d more than likely lie about it, because it’s truly a shameful thing, like any addiction– more sin on top of sin. And ultimately, be right back where I started: ashamed and guilty, fighting the fight on my own, and afraid to be who I’m called to be. 

“A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump.”

Galatians 5:9

This past Saturday I’d finally confessed to my husband that submitting to him helped me overcome porn. Literally, those were my words. 

And his response really, really, REALLY shook me to the core. 

He said,

“I’m glad you said that because I also struggled with porn addiction, so covering you and sharing love with you has helped me overcome porn also.”

And that’s verbatim (minus the cute little nickname he calls me that I won’t place here. hehe). 

I was then just engulfed in the joy of Yahuah! It was so strange yet inebriating that all I could tell him was that I loved him, and then thanked The Most High for delivering us, and living up to His Name by delivering us in an unexpected way in an unexpected time.

 

To confess that to me was something huge as I hadn’t ever known that porn was something he struggled with. On top of that, I would’ve never guessed that he was overcoming it the stronger our bond had got. Never had a love so sweet. 

And then my mind went to how differently things would have turned out had I went the other route at the fork in the road and decided to cave in to my flesh anyway. Things just wouldn’t be pretty at all, and I would have missed out on The Most High’s redeeming glory– or delayed it rather. 

This is just one of the countless blessings I’ve received through submitting to my husband, but it is destiny changing. My call to action today is: whether you struggle with addiction, or are married or not– know YOU ARE COVERED.

The love Abba has for you surpasses what you could ever perceive, and his orders are based on the desire to keep you safe as you build up His Kingdom. You can trust Him. You can submit to Your Husband. 

Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your widowhood any more.
For your Maker is your Husband—YAHUAH SABAOTH is His name—and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called.

Isaiah 54:4-5

You can fall limp in His arms, knowing His direction is trustworthy, His Words are true, His Promise still stands and most of all: IT IS FINISHED. 

Only when we give up our own wills and desires and vanities can we be used and blessed the way He envisions for us to be used and blessed. It starts with not only knowing He is in charge, but following Him because YOU ARE CLOSE TO HIM, not because you want to be close to him.

Your submission in the relationship will make all the difference, because you’ll accept that YHWH does not bend to the will of man, and will have His way whether you resist or not. I can attest to this for myself, not just in my relationship with YHWH, but in my marriage as well. Submission to the ordained authority doesn’t always mean oppression. In many cases, like mine, it means complete liberation.

My praising is that HaMashayach encourages you through my mini testimony, and that you finally cave in to His never failing, never faltering, unwavering, unbound, unmatched merciful loving that goes on in to no ending. Let Him hold you as you find your footing, and trust Him to order your steps.

For more information on how and where to get professional help with porn addiction, please visit The Addiction Center at https://www.addictioncenter.com/drugs/porn-addiction/

If you need a friend, know you’re not alone, and I’m here.

And if you haven’t heard it today, you are loved. 

May you being finding all the blessings He has in waiting for you. Amen. 

Until next time, baruk ahtha, and Shalom Hebrews!

 

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