Feminism teaches us that we can have it all.

Family and career. The world and the Kingdom. And their favorite: to always be right and have peace.

Now, there are exceptions to every rule. Some women are able to manage career without their families taking the backseat. This post isn’t to shame anyone, either, but rather to point out that it may be easier for us and those we love, when we learn to choose wisely.

In life, in family, in our hearts, and in marriage.

Especially in marriage.

And when it come to marriage, NO woman can be both right and at peace with her husband.

Your marriage is not a courtroom.

How many times have you argued your point to your husband, and even if you were right, you ended up regretting it afterwards?

You didn’t regret being right per se. You regretted your approach, your words, the volume of your voice, your mannerisms, and maybe even your refusal to see your husband’s side. And in that moment of regret, you realize it would have been better to have kept the peace than it was to be right.

I’ve been through this enough myself to be able to choose my battles.

When I’m right about where the laundry detergent is at. When I’m right about the weather forecast. When I’m right about the wrong turn and the better route.

Or maybe even bigger things. Being right about how to budget, where to shop, or when to take action on something.

I choose peace instead.

And the difference? Well, the difference is everything.

First of all, I feel am rewarded by Yah. In those moments where I choose peace, I can hear Him, I can feel Him. Peace is a fruit of the Spirit after all. He tells me to observe, how good it is to have my ears open, and how honoring my husband is glorifying to YAH.

Secondly, I can see my husband soften a little. I visibly see him relax. You know why? Because he’s so used to me always saying something, that whenever he makes a mistake, he tenses up. But now that I don’t say anything any more, he let’s his guard down more. This is more satisfying than I can put into words. I never want my husband to have any reason to be defensive with me, and I didn’t even realize I was creating a hostile atmosphere when I insisted on being right.

Thirdly, he turns to me more for help. This is stellar, because I am his. Help. Meet.

His helper!

I think he’s always had confidence in my wisdom and efficiency, otherwise he wouldn’t have married me. However, I believe my attitude and mouth were often repellants for his urge to seek my help. Perhaps in fear that I might do so with pride or self-righteousness.

He doesn’t always look to me in everything, but when he does, I can tell he has a lot more comfort and confidence about it.

I am urging you to choose peace instead of choosing self-righteousness. Honestly, you’re the person in your man’s life he always wants to wow, impress, and amaze. But if he feels like you’re the main one whose always shutting him down, criticizing his ideas, or proving him wrong, then don’t be surprised if he turns elsewhere for he fulfillment of that masculine desire to woo and swoon.

This is innate in all species. Males perform for females, with big feathers, dances, roars, gifts, songs. Humans aren’t any different. And here’s a secret: if you embrace and show pleasure towards your husbands efforts, he WILL increase the quality and the frequency of his efforts.

It’s called reception, and it’s a major aspect of being a feminine woman. Be receptive, not right.

Peace is better than being right.

Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see Yahuah

Hebrews 12:14

Peace is more important than being right.

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1 Comment

  1. I love “be receptive not right” that’s something I long for. And I think you’re sending me straight to my prayer room with this. I am so often unthinkingly sanctimonious and the Lord lays it on my heart time and again to pull me away from it.
    Thank you for the gift of this insight!

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Raabasha Alohalani

I’m a little Israelite woman with a little faith in a big Master. Through cultivating a relationship with The Most High Redeemer of Israel, I’ve overcome suicidal tendencies, body dysmorphia, porn addiction, depression, and the darkness of envy! As a wife and a mommy, it is my earnest desire to share love and open a space for Hebrew, Israelite, and believing women alike who want to help build this City on A Hill. Let's discover His New Mercies each day, and take baby steps towards Shemayim!????