Maintaining Femininity In Exhaustion

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I’ve spoken about honoring your husband and why nurturing his masculinity is nonnegotiable. This post is similar, but I want to highlight a major detractor in true honor for your husband:

Conditional love.

Biblical love is the basis for Biblical womanhood (and Biblical manhood, as well as Biblical parenting, Biblical rulership, Biblical agriculture, etc.). Without Biblical love, our “womanhood” reflects less of the Word, and more of the world– the opposite of holy. And the true objective while we are here on this earth is true holiness.

We cannot achieve this with conditional love.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail…”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a KJV

The operative theme in this passage from 1 Corinthians 13 is that love never fails. All of those things that love is– patient, kind, humble, etc.– don’t stop. It never fails. Love endures all things.

Scripture is clear (in the same chapter) that we can do many great things for Yahuah, for other people, for our home and even for ourselves. But if we don’t have love, then what good is it? Nothing.

I hope to encourage you in your Biblical femininity by encouraging you in Biblical love. Because we have the tendency to perform womanhood with adornments, mannerisms, and habits, and then call ourselves feminine. Sure, by the world’s standards, we might be traditionally feminine. But by the Word of YAHUAH, we would be vanity.

The same applies in marriage, and our conduct therein. I know a few wives, and I myself have been one of these wives, who think that cooking, cleaning, childrearing, and intimacy are the bottom line as far as our work goes. While these tasks are necessary and we must rise to the occasion, they are vanity without love!

I know what you’re thinking: “I do those things out of love.”

This may be true. You do those things because you love your family. But we don’t always do them WITH love, and there is a difference.

Because love is patient, kind, content, humble, selfless, controlled, mild-mannered, and thinks good thoughts. And in all these things, love doesn’t fail.

So, caring for your husband and children are wonderful vocations, not easy work at all, and is deserving of honor. But what can a family accomplish together as a unit in a home with fancy meals, freshly scrubbed carpets and sparkling silver but no kindness, joy, or patience?

Similar to Biblical love, our womanhood must extend beyond our actions. It must also pierce the essence we carry when performing these actions.

On maintaining this femininity during hardships, I cover much of this in today’s episode, Unconditional Femininity. I myself have been experiencing a challenge in this area, especially since I’ve been freelancing for the past week because we need the extra money. I won’t lie– it’s been very frustrating and overwhelming because I typically would only freelance because I want the extra money, not because we need it. Now, it’s a completely different ball game, and I feel pressure that once wasn’t there.

This makes me tired, impatient, and honestly very disoriented, especially when it’s time to put away the money-making work, and get to the home-making work.

Drained from interacting with others and doing assignments I frankly would rather not, I’d find that my homemaking was lagging, cooking became a chore, and don’t even get me started on how I started treating my husband.

Now, I will say that it wasn’t intentional. But I’ve come to realize something (which I also discuss in today’s episode): Biblical womanhood is very INTENTIONAL, and there is nothing about it that is unintentional, period.

I realized I had no excuse.

The Holy Spirit convicted me one morning, and reminded me that even though I am making money for my home, money is not my priority. My home is my priority, and I should be seeking Yah for balance and wisdom to tend to our finances as well as our comforts, and especially my marriage.

I’m sure you can relate. Maybe you don’t work outside the home per se, but you’ve got children, or pets, or parents you care for, this person needs that, this meal needs prepping, and OMG did I forget to make that annual appointment again? After it’s all said and done, we pull together what strength we have left at the end of the day, and instead of using it to be kind, sweet, and attentive to our husbands, we use it to offer him service, like a slave.

You know exactly what I’m talking about.

When he wants to simply spend time together, you just want to know what he needs from you so you can do it and finally rest.

Every time I’ve done this, I ended up 100% regretting it.

Brushing the day off so we can be soft towards our husbands is hard, but not impossible. Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in YAHUAH with all thy heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy path.”

He never gives us more than we can bear. This means loving, and not just serving, our husbands at the end of a long day is NOT too much. If we turn to Yah, His Word says He WILL direct our path. Are you willing to have your femininity path directed by Him?

Don’t make excuses to be unkind towards your husband, towards your family and even towards yourself, due to exhaustion. Speaking personally, I’m learning that I’m experiencing such exhaustion so that I learn what it truly means to depend on Love, AKA YAHUAH, who never fails and WILL be glorified in this. I hope you feel encouraged to do the same in those moments where you’d rather clock out as fast as possible and run to your pillow.

This said, here are some of the things I make sure to do when I don’t feel able to honor, be humble towards or simply love my husband (once again, things I speak more in depth about in today’s episode):

I pray for my husband continually

I make it a point to pray for him DAILY. DAILY, sis. DAILY. I have to. I just have to. Yahuah says pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

I keep doing good and lovely things

This is the main thing. I don’t (or at least try not to) allow my fleshly feelings to dictate what I’m willing to do for my husband. No matter what, and I admit to failing often, I try to keep doing those good and lovely things he loves that I do for him, like take his shoes off for him when he gets home from work, or bring him dinner on my knees. It’s humbling for me, brings me back into a submissive and affectionate posture, and makes my husband more tender towards me!

I don’t stop having sex with him

I have made it up in my heart that sex will never be a bargaining chip, manipulation point, or something I withhold as a punishment in my marriage PERIOD and I strongly advise you to do the same, too. Every time I even THINK about this evil act, I have to ask myself, ‘Are you really willing to betray and hurt him in such a vile way?’ Uhhh, yea, no. Some scars take DECADES to heal, and I don’t want sex deprivation to be one of the reasons my husband is hurt by me even after we’ve had sex since. No thank you!!!! Don’t play around in this area, sisters. It isn’t a joke and it isn’t holy to hold sex over your man’s head

I get dressed, do self-maintenance and present femininity

Even something as simple as changing from my nightgown or nightwear into a day dress or outfit makes all the difference. I try to spare just 5 minutes to brush my teeth, wash my face, change clothes, and spray some perfume. If I’m feeling extra fancy, I’ll do my eyebrows! I don’t even just do this for my husband’s pleasure either; when I look good, I FEEL good. Try it out in moments where it’s the last thing you want to do, and reap the fruit!

I take initiative where my husband needs help

We need extra money? Is he visibly tense after a long day? Is there something he’s been meaning to get to but hasn’t had the time? If I notice these things, I handle them to the best of my abilities — WITHOUT being asked. The Proverbs 31 woman “brings her husband good and not evil all the days of his life”. This doesn’t just happen. We have to make it happen! Be intentional and seek out ways to help your man (because you’re a helpmeet).

I VERBALLY assure him that I still honor him and love him

Even if I assume that my husband knows I’m here for him and that he can lean on me in his weak moments, I verbalize it anyway. Especially since one of his love languages is words of affirmation. Sometimes they DON’T know, or simply forget, that they aren’t alone in what they’re going through. It’s ok to remind them, “I see your struggle, no need to be ashamed, I’m here for you, praying for you, and right by your side.”

I hope my experience and tips are fruitful for you ???? email newsletter members ALWAYS get to listen to new episodes of the Watered Womanhood podcast 1 DAY EARLY FOR FREE so make sure to join, and I’ll see you in the next episode! ???? Shabbat Shloma!