Shalom Shebrew š
You’re here to learn the secret of being a better helpmeet. And maybe it’s not a secret at all. But it is an uncommon and perhaps unorthodox way to change your perspective, your approach, and ultimately your results.
I want to cover a few basics first, for those of you who need a little refresher.
What is a ‘helpmeet’?
Let’s discuss Genesis 2:18 where ‘help meet’ first appears.
āAnd YAHUAH ELOAH said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.ā
Some quick notes:
- YAHUAH said… Not Adam, not the serpent… YAHUAH said this.
- It’s not good for man to be alone. After each day of creation, Yah beheld what He had made and said “Very good.” But when He beheld man, He said ‘NOT GOOD! HE NEEDS A COMPANION!’ Thus, a wife is what helps a man become ‘Very Good.”
- “I will make…for him.” sayeth YAHUAH. Woman was made by Yah, and she was made for man. Us sisters ought to love and not despise our divine appointment in Yah of being a gift to our husbands.
- A help meet in the original Hebrew upon which the KJV is founded, is defined as Azer (Strongs # H5828), meaning aid, and one who helps.
This specific translation for help is also found in 21 other verses (which you can view by clicking this link and scrolling to the bottom), to talk mainly and most notably about The Help of YAHUAH. The same Hebrew phrase is used in Psalm 121:2
My help cometh from YAHUAH, which made heaven and earth.
‘Helpmeet’ is interchangeable with Help in the sense of it comes from YAHUAH.
Thus, a helpmeet, is a woman who is in sync with YAHUAH so that He can use her to assist man!
You simply cannot be the helpmeet He needs you to be (and the help your husband needs) if you aren’t continually in fellowship with Him.
House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from YAHUAH.
Proverbs 19:14
You aren’t a prudent (good, steadfast, consistent, disciplined, focused on the future and not the flesh of the present) if you aren’t doing so by YAH’s Strength!
In order to be the gift that a helpmeet is designed to be, all of you must be in submission to YAHUAH!
How NOT to Help Your Husband
Here’s a list of ways to fail as a helpmeet:
- zone out when he is talking
- subtly, accidentally, or purposefully disobey him for any reason
- speak negatively towards him
- speak negatively of him behind his back
- neglect to help him get on a good foot before he begins work, whether this means taking away from his rest the night before, or not making sure he gets breakfast (if he desires breakfast)
- seek out doctrines which are opposite of what he has instructed of you
- interrupt him or undermine him when he is correcting your children
- disrespecting him period, but especially in front of others MAINLY his children
- not putting your tasks and chores first before anything else
- fail to pray for him
- don’t do anything the way he likes it to be done (your hairstyle, the food, the laundry, etc)
- laugh at him or scorn him when he makes a mistake
- be extra friendly or flirtatious with other men
- fail to cover what is necessary to cover (cleavage and curves at the bare minimum, plus whatever he asks you to cover)
- threaten to (leave him, cheat on him, report him to his elder, etc) when he doesn’t do what you want
- only be a good wife when he’s performing the way you believe he should
- share his personal business with anyone
This list is non-conclusive as you can fail as a wife in many more ways. The bottom line, is that failing as a wife, means simply refusing to be a helper for your husband in all things, above any of the other roles you play in life.
The Secret To Being a Better Helper?
Consciously decide to make your husband’s weaknesses your strengths.
Storytime: I’ve always SUCKED with managing money. And I’m not going to lie, my husband wasn’t the best either when we first met.
It was something we both struggled with, and if you struggle with managing money and budgets, then you know how costly and painful it can be, nevermind the strain it puts on relationships.
But, my husband is my leader, isn’t he?
I was hoping HE would help ME become better with my money.
After some time of things remaining the same and me hoping he would suddenly start leading in this area, a lightbulb went off, and I had a come to Yahusha moment (LOL).
I realized my husband wasn’t just going to wake up one day and figure it out perfectly and never make another money mistake in his life.
I had to help him.
This is how many wives are today. We see our husband’s weaknesses, and instead of saying “How can I help him in this?” we often say, “I wish he would/could…..” “Why can’t he…..” “He’s supposed to lead me/know this…..”
If your husband didn’t need your help, what would you be there for? If you call yourself a helpmeet?
Men. Need. Help. (And so do we, but we’re focusing on what we can do for them)
Write down your husband’s weaknesses
Does he not lead prayer? Does he smoke cigarettes? Maybe he neglects his health. Or perhaps he isn’t the most affectionate.
Whatever your husband struggles with, take some time to study him, and identify his struggles.
They’re likely things that cost you peace, things that may worry you, or even things you’re embarrassed about for him.
Write them down. Think about how they affect you. Recall all the ways it may have hindered the growth of your home, or your relationship with him. Truly meditate on these errors.
Now figure out how these can be your strengths
In my own case, I realized, in order to help my husband get better with managing money, I needed to embody a prudent accountant (figuratively speaking).
I stopped shopping so frivolously. I read more books on finance, banking, debt, and economics. I said no to really big purchases. I even stopped getting a new purse every season (one of my very few luxuries, and something that truly panged me to sacrifice).
And, I’ve even begun implementing (and actually sticking to) a stricter budget that keeps me from overspending, allows me to donate, leaves me a little extra cash afterwards, and helps me to not feel that helpless feeling you feel when you don’t know what’s going on with your money!
Of course, this is still a journey for us, and one that we’re enjoying. But imagine how it would be going if I had remained in my old ways with the excuse of, “Well, I’m his wife. I’m only making this mistake because he’s leading me this way. We won’t get better until he learns blah blah blah!”
We’d likely still be in the same financial place.
We as wives need to wake up and see reality: marriage is work, and sometimes, it’s YOUR initiative and obedience to YAH that will transform the trajectory of your home.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
Proverbs 31:27
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Do you look well to the ways of your home, or do you eat the bread of idleness?
Idly letting problems go unconfronted… because it’s not your job…
Not concerning yourself with the lawnwork… because it’s not your job…
Not concerning yourself with the unpaid bills… because it’s not your job…
Can a family get ahead with a “helper” who quite frankly doesn’t ever help but sure has a lot to complain about?
Idle hands actively tear down that which is built. If you aren’t building something, you are destroying something. Choose to build your home with intentionality.
Pray for HaYah to enhance your husband’s strengths
Meditate on your husband’s strengths. Write those down, too, if you must. Pray over them. Thank YAH for them. Ask YAH to enhance them in your husband in a way that Glorifies Him and builds up a Kingdom Home.
And also, point them out to your husband on a regular!!!
Don’t let your husband forget that you, his wife, see his strength and competence. Let it be on your tongue as often as it can. When was the last time you acknowledged him for never complaining when he has hard work to do? Or have you complimented his style of dress? What about thanking him for pleasuring you in the bedroom?
Your husband needs to hear you say you are pleased, satisfied, and content with him. It gives him mental rest to know that at least someone, his rib, doesn’t have an endless list of demands, and can dwell with him without this and that always coming up.
Plus, you don’t want the only time he ever receives a compliment to be from the woman who sits next to him at work…Just NO!
Appoint each day to help your husband
What do you set out to do each day when you rise?
Is it to finally get the kids to school on time?
Finish that load of laundry?
Not binge the whole gallon of ice cream in your PMS fury?
Do you ever wake up and say, “I’m going to help my husband today”?
Or, even better: do you ever verbally ask him how you can help him?
You may think all those tedious tasks are helping him. And maybe they are, but he could desire your help with something else, yet being too weary of asking you because you already seem so busy with everything else.
Teach us to number our days, And let us bring the heart to wisdom.”
Psalm 90:12 TS2009
Be intentional with each and every day. With every hiccup and bump, accept it as an opportunity from YAH to be a very present helper in your husband’s life.
The secret to being a better helper is simply to
- Examine where your husband needs help
- Choose to make his weaknesses your strengths
- Prioritize helping him above everything else
- Appoint every day to helping your husband
- Make sure you take the time to ASK how he would like your help, instead of always making assumptions
I hope this served you well and that you take on the challenge of making your husband’s weakness your strengths!
Don’t forget, The Hebrew Housewife is looking for wives who have something to say! Do you have a recipe you want to share? A word of encouragement for wives? An interesting (marriage related) story? Please share it with us!
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[…] post is sort of a response to a question on The Secret to Being a Better Helpmeet. A sister asked how these Biblical practices, tips, principles, and wisdom can apply or how she can […]
What about virgins.? How can I be in alignment in this area of my life? I desire love one day but I also am currently a single virgin
Shalom sister! Blessings on your holiness and purity! May Yah continue to guard your virginity ????. The best ways to implement this as a young unmarried maiden, is to:
1. Have the UTMOST respect for your parents. Serve them, be available for them, have mercy on them, do not despise them, pray for them, and be strong where they may fall short. Listen to them, have honor for their words, and respect their wishes for you. If you feel you are being led by Yah in a different direction than your parents (which is not uncommon in the Bible or today), then obey first and pray later. Honor and obedience are foremost, and Yah will rectify the rest!
2. Be an asset right where you are. No matter what you contribute, whether it’s music, dinner, or doing the laundry, do it with all your heart and do it like you are serving YAHUAH “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” Colossians 3:23. Give your best, knowing that it is YAH on the receiving end, not humans. What would you give Him if He were before you every day?
3. Speak softly. This is very important. Have kind words, use gentle language, and be mindful of what your body is communicating when your mouth isn’t. Such as eye rolling, or balling your hands into fists, or crossing your arms. Be open to receiving correction, and don’t despise the work of a maiden. Which is to work in the home, and sometimes feel like you “don’t have your own stuff/independence”. But there is nothing wrong with being dependent. It’s a blessing to be covered, but it has responsibilities. One of those responsibilities is respect by being soft and silent. “A silent and louing woman is a gift of the Lord, and there is nothing so much worth, as a mind well instructed.” – Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) 26:14. Let your words be few. Learn the ways of a feminine woman. Cling to YAH’s vision for women, not what the world has carved out for women. Believe Him when He says it is good for us to be silent, and know that He does not abandon us in our silence. It’s in our silence that we hear Him the most, especially during moments where we wish to open our mouths. Restraint is chastity and it’s fruitful as a maiden!
4. Pray about becoming a wife. Pray about learning a wife’s roles. Pray about being seen by an honorable prospect who will care for your virginity and pay his dues to YAH in order to have your hand. Pray about preparing to work as a helpmeet should. Pray about shedding the old man and becoming a new creature. Pray, pray, pray. “Pray without ceasing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17. Don’t ever withhold your requests from Yah. He’s the one who’s given you a heart full of desires. Place them in His hands and watch Him work. Withholding them from Him only leads to us doing things the way we think they should be done in order for us to get what we want. But we shouldn’t lean unto our own understanding. Trust in Him with all your heart. Look for His will in EVERYTHING you do, and He will show you which paths to take (Proverbs 3:5-8). Those who depend on Him will not be disgraced (Romans 10:11).
5. You are already loved. No need to desire it. No man will love you more than YAHUAH your Creator. Men aren’t god, men fall short, men will hurt you. It’s best to accept this now. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t desire affection or desire to give affection to a man. Men are honorable thus sayeth YAHUAH, and we are to serve them, and they are to protect us. It’s a blessing when we can be in order and harmony with our husbands. Their love even has the power to make us new, give us strength, and baptize us (1 Timothy 2:11, Ephesians 5:24-28). But don’t mistake your husband for your Savior– he is not. Your Savior has already done The Thing. He’s already given you what you’re looking for. Turn to Him in your needs. Turning to man before you turn to Him will create a hole in your heart where you should be receiving His Love. Don’t idolize the idea of having a godly husband. Let Yahuah be the center of your heart–it will save your relationships! (and not just the romantic ones but all of them).
6. Surround yourself with wisdom. “The aged women likewise that they be in behauiour as becommeth holinesse, not false accusers, not giuen to much wine, teachers of good things, That they may teach the young women to bee sober, to loue their husbands, to loue their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God bee not blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5. You should pray about finding an aged, seasoned woman who is close to what you desire to be, for example someone who is a wife, a homemaker, a faithful servant, someone who is sober, who has self control, who is a mother, etc. (just examples, that part is up to you). Get wisdom from wise women who have experience. Never underestimate a mentor and what Yah can do when you begin to seek wisdom from the elders (or even just those who are at least 5+ years older).
“My sonne, let not them depart from thine eyes: keepe sound wisedome and discretion. So shall they bee life vnto thy soule, and grace to thy necke. Then shalt thou walke in thy way safely, & thy foot shall not.” Proverbs 3:21-23
I hope this answered your question! I replied to your email and am looking forward to a a deeper conversation with you, sister. Stay beautiful and have a blessed, peaceful Shabbat! Shalom!
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom sister . Iām learning so much already Iām so thankful to the most high for leading me here