“What if my husband leaves the Truth?” “What if my husband refuses to provide?” “What if my husband dies?” “What if my husband commits adultery?” “What if my husband falls out of love with me?”
Reasonable arguments, and arguments nonetheless, to the radical idea that women put all their faith in Yah for the sake of their marriage– without a backup plan.
Imagine with me: a woman whose husband works a lot. Eighty hours a week. He doesn’t have time to take her out. Hardly notices her when he comes home. Hardly helps her with the child related duties (outside of finances). And he expects her to be available for him whenever he is home.
This woman is tired. All she’s known since the age of eighteen is cook, clean, and raise children. She isn’t having sex, at least not the sex she imagines. She isn’t complimented by her husband. She can’t remember the last time she was able to dress up, be taken out, and have time alone with her husband without distractions. She is very unhappy. And, she is broke.
She has no college education, no real professional experience that could afford her stability on her own, no inheritance and no savings. Her only stability comes from her marriage, but she’s awfully unhappy. She believes it better to leave. She sits down and she makes a plan.
She remains in the relationship for a year. Within this year she learns a trade: manicuring. She starts manicuring part-time. Because her husband pays bills, provides food, and takes care of the children’s needs, she has no financial burden and is able to save every single penny that she makes. She’s able to save fifty-thousand dollars: enough to move out with her children and be stable for another year without real financial worry.
While in her marriage, she saw her fatigue. She saw her investment in her children. She saw her loneliness when her husband would work late or overtime on weekends. She saw her friends and family dote on the way she set the table, the way she styled her daughters’ hair, the way she cooked, but never on her own personal achievements, talents, gifts, or beauty.
But what didn’t she see?
She didn’t see her husband setting aside an inheritance for each of their children. She didn’t see him saving up for a family vacation abroad. She didn’t see her husband praying for a new job that would afford him the same pay but with better workhours. She didn’t see him frustrated at the end of a long day– not because he was so tired, but because he could see his wife was too exhausted from her chores and children that she could hardly be bothered for sex–something that used to be significant for them both. She didn’t see him hoping that while the world around him was falling apart, he was clinging to the idea that his marriage would not be lost in the debris.
What does having a plan b say about where we as wives put our faith? Moreover, does having a plan b say more about the faults of men, or of women?
I don’t know which wife or wannabe wife needs to hear this, but you don’t need a plan b.
You don’t need to spend your prime years getting an education you can’t afford just in case.
You don’t need a side hustle while your husband works to provide everything just in case.
You don’t need to have a secret stash of thousands of dollars just in case.
And you definitely don’t need to keep a secondary man waiting for you on the side just in case.
When YAH called Moses, there was no plan b. When YAH called Abraham, there was no plan b. When YAH called Mary the mother of Yahusha, there was no plan b. When YAH called John The Baptist, there was no plan b. And when YAH called YAHUSHA, there was no plan b.
We simply do not serve the El of “plan b”.
We serve the El of “Keep my commandments and live”!
You want to know what plan b looks like in Scripture? Read Deuteronomy Chapter 28. The blessings of obedience vs the curses of disobedience. We either obey or suffer. Abide or fall. Take heed or perish. Cleave or wither. Bear good fruit or be cast down. Do His Will or be like dust. Serve The Kingdom or serve the world. Choose ye this day whom ye will serve!
His Word doesn’t change and He does not change. And He calls us to be holy as He is holy!
“In the beginning was The Word, and The Word was with HAYAH, and The Word was HAYAH.”
John 1:1
“For I am YAHUAH, I do not change; that is why you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.”
Malachi 3:6
He hasn’t changed His mind about your marriage, His ordinance for you as a wife, the plans He has for your husband which include you, and what He desires to accomplish in you.
Don’t change your mind. Don’t make a plan b. Don’t despise your dry season in marriage. And don’t listen to bitter women around you who will tell you that you ‘need to have something for yourself’. You already have something: Yah. Is He enough for you?
If He is, prove it. Put your faith in Him. Make the first plan—the ONLY PLAN—work!
Some encouragement for wives who may feel they need to consider a plan b:
Revisit the original plan Yah gave you.
What did He tell you when you met your husband? What about on your wedding day? What has YAHUAH promised you in your marriage? Have you heard anything at all from Him concerning your marriage and His plans for it? It’s time to sit down and ask some questions.
Stretch out your hands. Write down the original plan. Meditate on it. Receive it. Believe that it’s still the only plan and submit your marriage to YAH.
He hasn’t changed His mind, so don’t change yours.
Pray about what’s discouraging you.
Is your husband too busy? Are you overwhelmed by the children or your chores? Do you have issues with your mother-in-law? Are people around you speaking death into your marriage?
Whatever is on your plate is just not big enough for YAH. Talk to Him and be real! He doesn’t need you to sugarcoat anything–that doesn’t help anyone, especially not you! He can do things full of wonder and awe in your life and marriage. He makes a way in the desert, water in the dry places, food in the wilderness!
The wild beasts shall honor Me, the dragons and the ostriches, because I gave water in the desert, and floods in the wilderness to give drink to My people, even to Mine elect.”
Isaiah 43:20 GNV
Come to the Altar, the Father’s Arms are open wide. Forgiveness was bought with the precious blood of Yahusha. Leave behind your regrets and mistakes. Come today. There’s no reason to wait. Yahusha is calling. Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy. From the ashes a new life is born. (yes these are lyrics to one of my favorite songs…and what about it?)
Open your Bible. Pray. Fast. Earnestly seek Him. He is nigh to those who are nigh to Him!
Be vulnerable for a minute
Seek your husband, share your heart. I’ve said this a million times and I will continue to say it (sometimes just to remind myself):
MEN. CAN’T. READ. MINDS.
They simply cannot. So you going cold, withdrawing, getting an attitude, or hinting at what you need is not the same as simply telling your husband your needs. Don’t over-complicate this.
Whatever fear you have of being vulnerable with your husband, you need to submit it to YAH or it will cost you intimacy in your marriage. You’d be surprised with your husband’s response.
Similarly, it’s time to get some real support from studied wives, preferably aged women according to Titus 2! Women who have children, homes, husbands, and experience with the ups and downs of marriage and being a wife as YAH has called her to be.
Pray for Yah to send these studied sisters, and open your heart! Friends are born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17). Let other cultivated believers water you with The Word and His Spirit, and give you some good edification regarding your woes. Do not suffer alone, because you don’t have to.
The questions and concerns you have about marriage and wifedom aren’t new, as there is nothing new under the sun. Be vulnerable for a minute, be real for a minute, and be open to receiving what Yah has to say as He speaks through someone else.
I’ll tell you, as a woman, one of your biggest weapons, crutches, and supplements in life will be your vulnerability. I had always ran from my own pain, bitterness, heartache, and frustration because I mainly feared that no one would care enough to help me at best, and I would be laughed at at worst.
But when I began to talk about my suffering, seek wise counsel, ask for prayer for my intimate needs, tell people (not just my husband) the ways they were hurting me, and prayed for help from YAHUAH, things changed.
YAHUAH will not laugh at your pain as a woman, wife, daughter, sister, or mother. He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). And He will avenge you of those who do. He knows the struggles you have, and He wants you to lean on Him instead of running away, so you can see just how mighty He Is. His strength will be perfect in your weakness (2 Cor 12:9), He will give power to the powerless (Isa 40:29).
You aren’t strong and independent anymore– not in this Truth Walk. You are covered, you have a head, and you don’t supply all of your own needs. It comes from On High. Look up, send your request, talk about your brokenness, and accept that a huge part of being covered (and submitting) is actively sharing your heart.
If you need some encouragement or prayer, we are accepting prayer requests. I’d love to pray with you for and about your marriage AMEN.
