Order is easily established, it’s the maintenance that requires the most attention. I believe this is the entire concept behind order— the maintenance of equilibrium in accomplishing a goal.
Order: (noun) the arrangement or disposition of people or things in relation to each other according to a particular sequence, pattern, or method.
As homemakers and wives, we know all too well what a disorderly home can look like and how it can create chaos in other aspects of our lives. When the laundry is undone, we don’t have anything to wear. When the budget is not honor, the money just doesn’t stretch to where it was supposed to. When we let TV’s and tablets babysit our children, they speak and do things they shouldn’t.
Order is that which keeps the gears oiled and functioning. Order sustains the peace in our homes. Order means that homemaking can become less about the labor, and more about family. Order simplifies our lives, minimizes distractions from what’s important, and enables us to value our time.
Keeping order at home can feel daunting. Especially for the unseasoned homemaker (such as myself), who struggles often to get dressed for the day or fold laundry as soon as it’s done drying. But this is how we can simplify the process.
Define Vision
The first step in creating and keeping order in your home, is having a vision. Now, if you’re married, I’m willing to bet your husband has already shared his vision for his home with you. If so, let this be your vision also, since he is your leader.
Just visualize what each area of home life looks like. Morning routines, meals, organization, systems, expectations for the children, spirituality, hosting and entertaining, health, and romantic intimacy.
My husband has given me a vision for a home that is a sanctuary against the world, against evil, and against stress. Somewhere that smells good, somewhere in which the people are patient and kind, somewhere with hearty food and soft seating. I use this vision to outline my grocery lists, my choice in laundry detergent, my feminine beauty routine, and so much more.
Have a vision. See your home the way you’d ideally hope to live in it. Do your children now have more room to be studious? Is there a garden? Perhaps the bathroom is more neat. I highly suggest taking about 30 minutes to simply write on paper whatever comes to mind when you try to visualize what an orderly house looks like for you and your family.
Set Goals
What order looks like in your home will largely depend on your family’s goals. For instance, if your goal is to raise studious and intelligent children, you might reward them with TV or games only once they’ve read and reviewed a book. This can mean having a reading corner or quiet reading time at least once a day.
Or, if you’re like me, and your goal is to not let anything get in the way of family time, you could have a cubby, tray, box, or designated space for phones and distractions once it’s time to bond.
Our goals should be based on the vision we have for our homes. Our goals should be tangible, measurable, realistic, and specific. Here’s an example of a goal that will surely not get accomplished.
“I want my children to lose weight.”
A more intuitive goal (that we are more likely to act upon), will include more detail, a plan of action if you will. Like so:
“I will help my children lose 15 pounds each before the start of summer, by offering them cleaner meals, taking them on walks each evening, and teaching them about the damage of sugar addiction, so that they feel confident in themselves and live long, healthy lives.”
This mother is specific (15 pounds each); she knows the time (the start of summer); she knows how she will do it (meals, walks, education); and most importantly, she knows her why (confidence and health). From there, even when she ers or makes mistakes, getting back in order should be fairly simple because all the steps and systems are outlined for her.
Your goals could be more complex, or they could be even more simple than this. The key is having the goal well outlined, so that when we inevitably go astray, we can see where we messed up, be reminded of our original intent, and get back on track with the practical steps we had first initiated.
Set three goals for your home based on your vision. I envision a home that is more organized, so one of my goals is to keep my husband’s office orderly enough for everything to be easily found, by cleaning it twice a month, trashing unneeded clutter, and filing what should be kept, so the office can be a place of thought and innovation, not confusion and frustration.
Make certain the goals are as specific, realistic, and measurable as possible with a clearly defined how and why, so that your vision becomes reality and maintaining order becomes feasible.
Create Boundaries
Boundaries are necessary for order. We create boundaries for nature, so that she doesn’t get too wild and unsafe. We create boundaries for our money, so that it isn’t spent to completion. We create boundaries for our appetites, so that we don’t be gluttonous and ruin our bodies and minds.
After you have set goals that are based on the vision for your home, now it’s time to set up some boundaries. These boundaries are defining lines that say “Hey, this is the line where you will find chaos once crossed.”
For instance, with the woman whose helping her children lose weight, a strong boundary she could create is only offering wholesome snacks in between meals like apples and peanut butter, instead of chips and candy. Or, she could simply still allow the children to have their favorite snacks, but with measured servings (eating a set amount of chips from a bowl, instead of directly from the bag).
These boundaries helps ensure that she isn’t treading into dangerous waters. Boundaries show that we’ve taken the time to ponder our goal, what can threaten our goals, and are taking the precautionary measures to protect the desired results.
If I want my husband’s office to be more organized, one of my boundaries is to not leave my own stuff laying around. I frequently spend time in his office. I write here, I read here, I game here, and since his office has access to the balcony, I often just lounge in here with the big wide door open to soak up some nature. But I know that keeping it organized in here is all the more difficult when I don’t at least take the time to clean after myself each time I’m done. If I don’t set this boundary, it means that when I go to clean his office, I’ll have a much greater mess, end up feeling more discouraged or overwhelmed, and probably only end up taking care of what belongs to me.
List all the ways your goals could get sidetracked, or the areas of temptation you might face when trying to accomplish them. Set up boundaries for yourself based on these very real possibilities. Outline why voiding these paths are necessary. Designate consequences for the breaking of these boundaries (some consequences are naturally occuring, and some we must create in order to hold ourselves accountable). And communicate them clearly to your family.
Establish a Contingency Plan
Mistakes happen. I think I’ve emphasized this more than anything. Because order needs to be maintained, it’s not a one and done task. We don’t just buy organizing bins and then boom, our home is magically ordered for the rest of our days. Our homes need yearly, monthly, weekly and daily managing.
So, establish a contingency plan for each goal. A contingency plan is a course of action taken when all else fails or when things get knocked off it’s original course so hard you might have to improvise.
For instance, our mother in question, may have planned to cook a healthy dinner for her family, but because Bible study or soccer practice or whatever took longer than expected, she doesn’t have time to prepare a good meal in a timely manner. And because she is familiar with her boundaries, she has expected time to be a constraint already. She prepared by freezing meals.
She can come home without rushing, pick one of the meals she froze, pop it into the oven, and even get back on track while it reheats. No panic, no stress. Just ORDER. Without this order, she would’ve maybe picked up a pizza or fast food on the way home, thus defying her own vision and goals for her home.
Be prepared. Have a backup plan. Spot the potential weak areas in your first course of action, and create a safety net.
Designate Resources
Know what you will need in order to accomplish your goals. And I recommend starting with spiritual resources first, for two reasons.
- We are called to live spiritual lives, chiefly
- Our homes are to be founded on the Rock.
When we do this, we are ensuring that we have the tools to fight the spiritual battle found in our homes, as well as the courage to get back up when we make those mistakes so we don’t feel defeated.
This can mean finding Scriptures that are relevant to your goals (the Bible covers every topic under the sun), or creating different prayers for each goal. Some Scriptures say you need fasting to overcome certain battles, and other verses say it’s a matter of waiting. Find out what is needed for your specific vision, and make sure you have it or prepare to acquire it (mainly by asking in prayer).
Create Shortcuts
Listen, there are no shortcuts to success. What I mean is, unburden this process. Maintaining order is hard work, but that work doesn’t always have to be laborious, monotonous or unenjoyable.
Again, for the mother who is leading her children’s lifestyle change, she created a shortcut by freezing some of her healthy meals. She could also create a shortcut by investing in physical games (such as the Wii or other motion censored games) that encourage movement; this is especially helpful on days when she doesn’t have the time or energy to take them on walks. Plus, it creates pleasure around movement, and will encourage her children to get active, even without her saying so.
Do what you can to bring joy into the process. For me, I really enjoy my husband’s office. Prior to moving in with him, I always had my own workspace at home. I can create a shortcut in keeping his office orderly, perhaps by adding a few more feminine touches. There’s something strange about seeing a vase of flowers on a chaotic table. Or walking into a room that smells like lavender but looks like a field of weeds! These sights and smells can offer a trigger to my brain that says “Something ain’t right!” Plus, a little feminine touch softens the blow 🙂
Whether you want to have a better laundry routine, hosting routine, or high holy day celebrations, you can find simple ways to bring some fun, take away some burden, and make sure the goals aren’t ruining your attitude and joy. This is the part where you get creative, and honor that human need for pleasure in a holy way!
Accept Your Vulnerabilities
We are so strong yet so fragile. One moment we can do anything, another moment we can hardly get out of bed (speaking for me lol). We have vulnerabilities as humans, as homemakers, and as women.
One of the key focuses of my podcast is vulnerability honor. It is impossible to become and remain a woman rested in her Biblical femininity unless we learn to honor our own vulnerabilities, weak areas, soft spots, shortcomings, and natural shame. The reason being is that it encourages us to acknowledge a greater power (YAHUAH or even our husbands), ask for help, and give our leaders the opportunity to, well, lead.
Rest only comes when we accept that we need it. We stop resisting it. We stop convincing ourselves we don’t need help in some bogus concerted effort to convince ourselves that we’re stronger than we are. This does nothing but get in our way.
We aren’t told to be strong as much as we are told to be courageous and to fear not. No man is an island. A three chord rope is not easily broken. A friend is closer than a brother. It takes a village. I can go on and on with these true proverbs. We must acknowledge and remember our vulnerabilities, because it enables us to have mercy on ourselves, but also reminds us to have mercy on our fellow human beings, too.
This is how we forgive ourselves, stand up again, and find the courage to ask Yahuah for His Strength to finish the marathon. Respect your own fragility. You have a Greater Resource to tap into. Your salvation awaits. Don’t miss the opportunities to experience daily grace in the everyday mundane by simply refusing to say you need it.
I have found grace as a homemaker when the list goes undone, the schedule falls apart, and the goals go unfulfilled. By choosing to say “Yah, I don’t know how women have done this for thousands of years. Show me how, help me, give me strength, grant me wisdom!”
Now, lets briefly outline a few things which may be a source of distraction or interfere with order at home, and how to combat them.
Comparing your home with someone else’s
That’s not your home and never will be, even if you try to replicate it. But the same can be said of your home— no matter how hard someone may try, they could never recreate the warmth, essence and personality of the home you’ve made for your very unique family. Never compare. Ever. And only admire briefly.
Overwhelming yourself
This can come from not sharing your needs, trying to do everything on your own, or even from harboring feelings of resentment towards your family for all of the work they put on you. This can be overcome with prayer, delegating tasks to your children, asking your husband for help (by being specific, saying when and how often, and stressing the why), managing time wisely and having a system that makes room for rest.
Procrastination
You think you have all this time until you look up, another year has passed, and you still haven’t organized your husband’s office (LOL). Listen, if you can do it later, then you can do it now. What will be so different about ‘later’, so much more special? Will later be more opportune? Will you have more information that will make the task easier later? Really, ask yourself, where is the advantage in waiting to do it later? There isn’t. It only strokes the ego and holds off work (and many times causing work tasks to just pile up to the point we feel overwhelmed again). Set a timer for tasks and try to progress on it as quickly as you can before the timer goes off. I don’t recommend this for everything since I believe homemaking should be an enjoyable and thoughtful process. However, this may be needed for those task we especially find ourselves holding off for later over and over again.
Perfectionism
I’ve talked about Perfectionism in Homemaking already. Sure, everything needs a place, every moment needs a task, and every person needs to contribute. Perfectionism is the continual practice of seeking perfection. Don’t confuse this with being a hardworking wife. You should be that. But learn to see when a job is done and be content with what you were able to accomplish and make notes on what could’ve went better for NEXT time, instead of going overboard, requiring excess time, energy or money to be spent on the goal or project. Perfectionism slows you down both physically and mentally, and doesn’t allow the homemaker to have grace on herself. Practice gratitude, contentment and joy with each day if perfectionism is your drug of choice.
Manic episodes
You may be schizophrenic. Or even bipolar. Or, you may just have hormonal cycles that contribute to you having more energy and motivation at some time more than others, often such as that you can’t predict or manage. I get it. you’re human. Manic episodes may help us get a lot of work done in a very short time period. But they can also cause us to set unrealistic expectations on ourselves. The work we produce while high on cortisol is a very high standard of achievement, and should be hung over our heads as the benchmark for daily or weekly labor. It creates even further hormonal imbalance. Clean as you go. Create systems that are easy to manage. Enlist your children to help with weekly chores. Invest in some robots (hey, I’m not judging you… the washing machine freed women everywhere from thousands of years of manual labor). Channel that manic energy into a thorough prayer or worship session. And by all means, avoid burn out!
Mountains look impossible to climb when we are seeing them from afar, but the closer you get, you begin to realize it’s simply a matter of going step by step. You got this, sweets! you can, by the grace of the Creator, overcome the chaos in your home, find order, and bring your vision to realization.
